Tuesday, August 5, 2014

The Curse of the Lazy Eye

When I was a baby I had amblyopia.  Basically, one of my eyes was more awesome than the other one and my brain was like "whoa there, right eye, if you aren't going to be totally awesome, you need to GO." So right eye was like "srsly wtf im out" and now I'm half blind.  Also, just to be a total dick, right eye now veers off to the outside, like he's permanently trying to escape my face. 

As I've gotten older (gracefully as fuck, I might add), right eye has also decided to be slightly more closed than left eye, so I've got this half squint going on.  It really doesn't help with my acute case of RBF (Resting Bitch Face, it's a thing, look it up). On top of all this awesome, I was also graced with a crooked smile.  Basically, I'm like a cute Quasimodo.  Case in point:
 I try to find angles where it isn't so obvious.  Head sort of tilted to the side, forcing the right son-of-a-bitch to look as far inward as possible.  But come on.  I'm not fooling anyone because THIS
 is what I look like when I'm having a conversation with you.  I can't tell you how many people have asked "are you looking at me, or...?" Some people claim they don't notice.  They are liars.  Anyway, I just decided that from now on any time I'm faced with a camera I'm going to do this look:
For one, offending eyeball is completely covered and out of the equation.  Mouth is open, so crooked smile is obsolete.  Also, thumbs up adds massive Dork Points.  I am a Grand Master Dork, but I still enjoy earning extra street cred.


  1. OMG that made me laugh so hard! Awesome post! I have strabismus too ;)

  2. OMG that made me laugh so hard! Awesome post! I have strabismus too ;)